


For Her

by SaCarroll1691



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Poetry, for her, she knows who she is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-01-27 03:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 6,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21385666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaCarroll1691/pseuds/SaCarroll1691
Summary: This is all to one person. She knows who she is but I won’t ever say.
Kudos: 1





	1. Blind

I’m holding on tightly just waiting for you to go. Waiting on being the punchline to your joke. I’m trying to keep myself hidden behind walls. I just can’t help myself when I have a habit of falls. I try to keep quiet but my truth flows out my throat. I never wanted to tell you but I was trying not to choke. Maybe I’m blind again behind rose colored glasses. I just want to know though is there more than this? You say you’re loyal but is loyalty and love the same thing? Or am I wasting my time waiting on this to end?


	2. Chapter 2

Hold my hand in the hurricane. This ain’t nothing but wind and rain. I never want to let you go even if you don’t want the same thing. I’m toeing the edge of this cliff; trying to hold my breath. Clutching onto this with fingertips, I’m going to fall just waiting for when. It’s going to hurt because you’re my quick sand. You’re my every weakness and my light. This is going to hurt and I know I’m right. I’m stuck between telling you the truth and letting you go. I never listen to the word no. I never do what’s best for me. I burned every bridge I ever built. Like every single flower I let wilt. I let everyone down. When it all comes down to it do I really matter? It’s still a glass I’m willing to shatter. Because I don’t want to say it but to me you’re what really matters.


	3. Chapter 3

Someone take a knife and cut my heart out of my chest before I fall. I’m holding tight to my walls...the ones you have yet to infiltrate. It’s like a race for my heart I can’t win. I’m a hurricane with a broken heart. I’m a doll with scars on my arms. You don’t even have to pull my strings one word from your pretty mouth has me on my knees. You have me missing turns and being spaced out dreaming of brown eyes. The only time I ever feel free is when you’re talking to me. I just want to be the one to love you and take you home. I never liked red lipstick until we met. Every single moment without you has me question everything. I’ll just keep lying and tell everyone I’m not in love yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Every day without you and your smile is like letting my spark die.


	5. Chapter 5

Trying to reach a love that’s unattainable to me. I’m running nonstop and I can’t breathe. I’m fighting with everything just to get knocked off my feet. I’m making promises I shouldn’t keep. Sitting around waiting on one of us to go. Who will be the punchline to your joke? You can’t love someone that doesn’t want you to. I’m not even asking for some fairytale ending; I just want you. You can’t stop a break of a heart. I can’t cut these feelings out of my heart. If I was a doll these cuts wouldn’t bleed. I wouldn’t have to think just follow the pull of my strings. Giving up all my freedom just to be plastic for one day. Because we both know there are things that no one will ever say. I’ll just pretend to be happy either way. Because I’m starting to think no one is ever really okay.


	6. Chapter 6

This isn’t some fairytale where I get the happy ending. This is the world kicking me while I am down. This isn’t where I win it all. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs I just want you but you don’t hear a thing. Please have my heart and it’s broken pieces fuck the consequences.


	7. Chapter 7

You have my whole heart. Every single piece of it. Will you ever feel the same? My stupid heart and head are to blame.


	8. Favorite Hello

I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye. I want to be the love of your life. I want to be the first person you see in the morning and the last one you see at night. I want to hold your hand for all time. You are my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. 

It’s like my first slow dance and my first prom dress. I wrapped myself in her arms and kissed her. She is my hand held. I fell into love one night. Staring into her eyes everything felt right. She was my heart and I was her song. She sang alone with me. 

I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye. I want to be the love of your life. I want to be the first person you see in the morning and the last one you see at night. I want to hold you for all time. You are my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. 

First kiss; blue jeans; no butterflies; kisses in cars. Wishing I could be with you. Growing old together; braiding gray hair, but our love remains the same. 

I was her favorite hello and her last goodbye. I was the love of her life. I was the first person she saw every morning and the last one she saw at night. I held her all our lives. And it all started out with me being her favorite hello and her hardest goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

Please let me hold your hand for the rest of your life? That’s all I need. My heart is broken but in the most beautiful way. I don’t care if there are words we can never say. Please just let me love you and please stay. Please don’t ever become a stranger I see in everyone on the street. I’m not asking for everything. Please just take this broken and beaten heart. It’s been yours from the moment you smiled at me.


	10. Chapter 10

I‘ve heard every line. Listened to every song. Thought and thought about what I was doing wrong. Because out of every line of every song none of them them said what I was feeling all along. 

Like how beautiful your eyes are. Or how when you kiss me fireworks explode in my head. When you hold my hand it’s like a lullaby. You’re everything and every word of every movie I’ve ever heard. You’re like a good book I can’t put down. Just when I thought I heard it all. 

They say love is black and white, red and even golden but I am pretty sure it’s the color of her eyes. They say I’m young and I’m a child that I will never know what I want. Can’t they just trust me this time? Because every word I write has her in every line.


	11. Sorry

I’m too much and I apologize. I say too much because my brain never stops my mouth. I’m too loud and I apologize. I am like a roller coaster I can’t get off of. I hurt the ones I keep close. So please take this apology. 

Please take my heart; break it if you must. I will wait for you even if you never come. Because you make me feel safe like I finally found a home. I would give you up if it was what you want. I just want you to be happy even if it’s not with me. 

I’m sorry to say I’d pick you even if you never pick me. I would give you everything if I could but this isn’t some fairytale and I apologize. This will never be my cinematic ending. I’ll never be the heroine that gets the girl. So at least take an apology. 

Here is my heart please take it. I hate to say this but it will crush me if you decide to break it. I would wait forever even if you never show. Because with you my heart feels at home. I would let you go if you asked me to. All I ever want is to see you happy.


	12. Chapter 12

Brown eyes lit up with fire. Brown eyes that will never be mine. I could drown in your scent like the bottom of a swimming pool. I would give you my heart if it would make you fall in love with me. I would give you everything if it would make you want to be with me. Why will my love never be enough? Why am I never going to be enough? Hopes are hopeless when the person you love the most doesn’t want you back. Love is meaningless when the person you want the most doesn’t love you back.


	13. Chapter 13

I gave you my heart and you broke it. You just watched as it shattered. Handed it back like it never even mattered. All I ever wanted was to love you but you said you can’t give me what I want. No one asked me what I want. 

I want to hear your laugh. I want your smile to be for me. I want to see you be happy. I want to hold your hands in mine. I want to kiss you even if it’s just one more time. 

I couldn’t cut these feelings from my chest and here I am bleeding. There is a gaping hole in my chest. Where my heart use to be. You think I want everything from you. 

I want to look into my favorite eyes. I want to dream you’re mine. I want to give up everything just to see you happy. I want to hold your hand in mine. I want to kiss you even if it’s the last time.


	14. Chapter 14

I miss you and everyday is the same. It’s like being stuck in perpetual rain. I dream about your eyes. I dream about you being mine. I feel this slipping through my fingertips before it even begins. I’m screaming at the world to take everything just let me have her. My words get drowned out by the roaring in my brain and no one can hear. Maybe if I could just suffocate on the pain; on all the those racing thoughts in my brain. Maybe I could just wake up not stuck in this rain with him and without you. Maybe I don’t deserve anything I ever want, too. You’re so beautifully frustrating stuck in my brain. Why do I always have to live with the pain? I hate it somedays. I know, I am never going to be good enough. I will never be enough. It doesn’t matter what you say. You don’t really want me you just like the affection and attention. I cried for you did I mention? You tore me to pieces. I don’t want your excuses or reasons. Nothing you say will put the pieces of my heart back together.


	15. Chapter 15

I’m just a long line of I told you so’s. I’m a long list of resounding no’s. You will never love me, like I love you. That’s nothing new. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe it’s lack of sleep. Maybe I’m just terrified of losing you.


	16. Chapter 16

I have to let you go. My heart has to learn to move on. I can’t stop thinking though about whether you’re my one. It’s so stupid, I know. I spent my whole life trying to find someone that makes me feel safe until you came along. You make me feel at home. It’s something I have been looking for, for so long. So I will lie and tell you it’s fine. I’m going to be alright I just need time. What if I can’t take my heart back from you? What if I have fallen too hard for you? Will you always be there? Will you not let me down because I’m scared? I’m so honest with you and that scares me too. So maybe I will just take a step back and love you from afar. I can’t get hurt if I stuff my feelings and heart in some glass jar. I wish everyday my skin would bleed. Just so you could see what my heart looks like as it sits broken on my sleeve. This kind of hurt just cuts so deep. I will lie though and tell you I’m going to be fine because the last thing I want to do is break your heart.


	17. Chapter 17

I can’t breathe and I can’t eat. All I’m getting is fragmented sleep. I’m stuck on you and chasing after me. You’re the first person to never give me butterflies. You’re the first person that I...

I can’t get you out of my head even though the brokenness in me wishes I was dead. I can’t let you go even though my heart wants me to. Because every single day is just another mistake. Empty promises, broken wishes all colliding against me. Please don’t break me ever again. I just can’t breathe when you won’t let me in. Let me out I scream as you make your way in. In past my defenses. You made your way in to become one of my wishes. Now I can’t see anything but you. I can’t breathe it’s killing me the way you...made me feel like I wasn’t the only one with feelings. You made me feel like maybe this could be something. I thought the ground was solid but you pulled the rug out from under my feet. Now I’m tumbling down faster and faster. Where are you when I call out your name? You don’t want me to leave but you want to let me be. You said you’ll break the rules for me but then you remind me over and over again. I’m taking pills just sipping away the problems. Just slipping away again into darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

Close my eyes; you’re there again.   
I’m reaching for you; pulling you in.   
Loving you is like drowning at the bottom of a swimming pool; breathing you in.   
I’m curled in your arms and I’m home.   
Please don’t leave me alone.   
I’m asking for you to let me be the one. 

I want to make you feel safe.   
I want to love you through the rain.  
I want to hold you every day.   
Please don’t push me away.   
I know, I’m not him but I can love you.


	19. Chapter 19

I hate myself because I’m never going to be enough for you.   
I spend hours writing you poetry just for it not to matter to you.   
I love you with my whole heart.   
Why can’t you just see that you are my everything?   
I know I am not a man but I still want to love you because I know I can. 

I don’t want you to know I’m slipping all over again.   
I’m just standing here in the rain as I suffocate.   
Just let me drown in this sorrow.   
I’m giving you all my love just for you to let it hit the ground.   
In my dreams at least your mine.   
Maybe I won’t wake up this time. 

How many times should I love you just to let you go home?   
I don’t think I will ever see my heart again.   
I don’t think you love me and you never can.   
I’m sitting here broken.  
I’m sitting here just trying to cope.  
Watching myself through a pane as I lose all hope.


	20. Chapter 20

My heart is broken because I just stand and watch.   
I say nothing and just strike a match.  
I watch my dreams go up in smoke.   
I don’t know how to let you go.   
I’m a ghost I am just barley holding on.   
This isn’t a movie that I get to return from.   
A book I get to shut the cover on.   
I’m just a doll playing your games.   
You give me a taste of what could be.  
Then you pull the rug out from underneath me.   
You pull my strings tell me what to say and do.  
Can’t you see my heart in shatters?   
It’s all on my sleeve in tatters.   
You’re everything that could matter.  
I can’t say anything though.  
You sew my mouth shut.  
With words and empty promises.   
No words will come through.   
You pull the strings and I smile and pretend it’s all fine.   
I’ll give you everything you want just so I can keep you.   
I’ll just be here on my knees until you need me.


	21. Chapter 21

Never enough...  
Always a mistake   
Why would you stay?   
Why would you want me anyway?   
You pull my strings with one word from your pretty mouth.   
Of course I obey.   
Sewn shut just to survive.   
I’m not breathing but I’m alive.   
The hollowness is consuming me from the inside out.   
I’m crying but no one hears a shout.   
I’m jumping because I’m sure I can fly.  
Falling into the lie.  
My heart has been torn from my chest replaced with machinery.   
You pull the strings and watch me shatter like pottery.   
They’re all laughing at me.   
You just stand there and watch me bleed.   
You’re the queen and I bow to her majesty.   
I’ll never say a thing.   
I wonder if she will stay once she watches me start to die on the inside...


	22. Chapter 22

I’ve fallen; drowning in my own tears.   
I’ve given up because it’s been years.   
I am just so tired of always running from my own brain. I climbed the bridge just to see if I could fly. They promised I could and I believed every lie. It’s not like anyone would even miss me if I die this time. My heart is becoming a desolate wasteland. I gave it to you, tore down my walls and let you in. I promised to love you through it all thick or thin. I picked up the pieces when he tore you down again. I put on a smile when you told me he was nice to you and things were fine again. I searched through words and songs just to try to find anything to bring you closer to me. You’re out of my reach and I’m clutching at fingertips so hard I can’t breathe. I held you for a moment. Then I wake up, it was only a dream.


	23. Chapter 23

Strong like the edge of the ocean   
Strong like the beat of the wind   
Now I can't take it back, take it back   
And I wouldn't even want to

This mess was yours and it is mine.   
Now here I am just biding my time.   
Waiting to see if these three words are mine alone.   
The truth is I’m on my own. 

Brown eyes haunting me.   
Words I can’t take back that I want you to keep.   
You describe everything but you never tell me how you feel.   
This is such a mess, I wish I wasn’t real.


	24. Chapter 24

Count the colors in the sky. Catch the raindrops on your tongue. The way your fingers feel on my hand is where this begins and ends. We aren't two but we aren't one. We're just like spilled ink on a page. You and me were like fire and gasoline. Sitting here trying to breathe. You're the colorful one. How did my heart become my enemy? All you’ll ever be is a friend to me. I scream trying to take those words back. They mean absolutely nothing to you. I push myself again to get back on track. I’m reaching for you. Please just reach back for me. Don’t leave me here alone. Just let me be. Let me pretend love is a real thing. Let me pretend stolen kisses might have meant something. Just let me give up on me. I don’t want to make it to thirty.


	25. Chapter 25

Haunted by this cruel world   
Then you say you’re not a little kid anymore, you’re a big, big girl  
You’re a Broken motel sign  
You’re a flashing no vacancy light   
You’re scattered dreams echoed on the wind tonight. 

When I fall asleep that’s where you find me. I cry myself to sleep. Lost in my dreams. All the words echo out loud, forgive me. Please don’t let this end tonight. Just hold my hand tight. My world was dark but you brought in the light. 

Downing bottles trying to numb the pain.   
Remembering back to when it was okay to play in the rain.   
Flashing neon lights telling me how wrong I am in this life.   
You built yourself a fortress to hide behind.   
I’m waiting just outside the lines. 

When I fall asleep tonight that’s where you find me. I cry myself to sleep. Wandering around in my dreams. Every single word I sing will echo out forgive me. Please don’t let this end tonight. Just hold onto my hand tight. My world was dark until you brought in the light.


	26. Chapter 26

It feels funny now  
My edges are starting to blur somehow   
Where did you go?   
Will I always be alone?  
Lost my home.   
Didn’t want to be set free   
Should have told you what you mean to me.  
Someone come stitch me together   
Carry me through this hiccup   
Put me back on the map  
I’m lost and I can’t go back  
I’m not much but you can have my broken pieces because that’s all I have left  
Caught up tangled in strings   
Screaming out but I’m drowning   
Head underwater trying to breathe you in   
You disappear when my eyes open wide  
Never wanted to feel like this   
I would give you everything you wanted from me if you would just speak to me.   
Because I’m splitting at my seams.   
I’m a bunch of shattered dreams.   
I’m nothing to you and I know that now.


	27. Chapter 27

All my pieces are jagged. You’re terrified of kindness. I would never leave you and you push me away. The truth is I didn’t know how to fall apart until you walked. Now I can’t breathe and I’m learning how to see the you without me. Maybe I should have fought harder but my knuckles are already bloody. I know I would always give you what you want and you know it to. Even now I still love you. I’m drowning in the hurricane but you don’t feel anything. You don’t even listen to me scream.


	28. Letter to my broken heart

Dear broken heart,  
Here we sit again. You keep becoming my best friend. The long wait that leads to the end. Tears will fall tonight. The darkness keeps claiming the light. You’re the only constant I keep. You hold my hand claiming we can make the leap. I won’t look down at my feet. You swear we will fly. I can’t find the stars in the sky. I’m sinking, please save me from drowning. I can’t breathe someone reach me. You waltz in and take me for a spin again. I’m starting to forget what it was like to live without you. You’re my constant. Your ghost is haunting. Is it too late? You said you’ll never make me wait. Hold my hand before I have nothing left. Making promises you’re sure to keep because you’re the only one that never leaves me. Affectionately yours.


	29. Chapter 29

I wait patiently on you. Always waiting, learning to breathe. They say good girls long will wait. I dived too fast and way too deep. I toss and turn in my sleep. You are in every one of my dreams. You are the only dream I want to be real. Waking in the brokenness I feel. Silent gasps broken free from nightmares. Drowning in the deep. Selling my soul to the devil to reach out for just your fingertips. You’re always going to be the one I want to keep. There’s no happily ever after it’s just time. One life. There is nothing I want to seek. Tears drowning in my eyes. There is no goodbyes. We are all stories flung into the night. So shouldn’t I get this right? I’m watching the sun ignore the stars because it’s not the company she wants to keep. Never one is the sunset to admire me back. Maybe it’s finally time. Maybe you’re the moon and I’m the tide. Hold my hand please just this one time. I’m lost in the night and you, you are my light.


	30. Chapter 30

Finding anything more beautiful once you’ve fallen in love with the stars themselves is impossible. You don’t expect the sunset to admire you back that would be remarkable. Boxing up everything no one intends to keep. It’s hard when you love so deep. I’ve always intended to give the sun what she wants. She never sees me. So I play connect the dots with the tears fallen from my eyes. This wasn’t anything just another broken heart.


	31. Chapter 31

I’m sorry that I keep breaking your heart. I wish I could go back to the start. Never let my heart fall. I just want to hold your hand. Because it’s enough it really is in the end. Your smile makes me happy. That’s all I need. I just want you in my life. I don’t need anything more. I know I’m needy and I’m so sorry. I just want someone to love me. Can you please just hear me? I hate me but please don’t leave. I know I’m a disaster that’s just programmed wrong. I’ll be plastic. I’ll be anything. Because I don’t know how to breathe when you’re gone. It’s crazy but I don’t know how else to be. You’re my favorite person and I don’t know how to be free. I hate me, please don’t leave.


	32. Chapter 32

Wishes on sparklers and broken hearts. One hundred thought out speeches I never sent. We aren’t broken just a little bent. It’s not fair how I love you. You have my heart, can I have it back? Maybe I’m just manic. Drowning in the static. You smile and I melt. Lost in how it felt. I’m not some child you can play when it suits you. I’m sorry too. You build up my hopes then you tear me to pieces. You give me never ending apologies. My chest hurts it’s like I can’t breathe...missing you is suffocating me. I wish you needed me as much as I need you. Sink or swim they say as I drown myself. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I disassociate when you’re not around. I’m trying but it’s hard when I’m never enough. I’m not a child but I feel so small. So wrong for wanting it all. Can’t have your cake and eat it too. Watching every single thing I do. Waiting on everyone to hate me too.


	33. Chapter 33

Broken little things  
tugging on my strings  
Sparklers and flickering lights   
I’m not looking for a fight  
I breathe you in   
Hiding underneath broken skin   
It’s my only heart  
I don’t always like you but you’re my favorite part.   
Fingertips reaching through me  
I’m just a ghost of who I use to be  
Even Mrs. Potato Head gets tired of her plastic smile.   
Been faking it all for awhile  
Pretended one too many times   
Staring in a mirror made of my own devices   
I can’t even see me anymore   
Lost in a sea of blue that wasn’t there before


	34. Chapter 34

I would write everything I ever felt down on paper just to get it out. I would tell you my every truth if my heart would feel lighter. I choke on the words as soap floods my mouth. I’d cut out my heart and hand it over to your empty hands. I tried so long for anyone to see the real me. I love fast but it doesn’t mean it’s not real. I would give back everything I ever asked for to the man up in the sky if he’s even real. I spent my whole life looking for what I accidentally found. Am I supposed to pretend for the rest of my life? Knowing you get hurt breaks my heart. I’m constantly gluing pieces back together. I’m pretending kisses don’t mean shit just like myself. I’m nothing just like they raised me to believe. I’ll smile when you learn to love yourself and I’ll give you whatever it is you ask. I’ll pretend you’ve never left your own scars on my heart. I will box up every piece of me you don’t want. I will learn to be someone I’m not if it will make me good enough. I’ll paint on a plastic smile and learn to hide the constant feelings of suicide. I’m drawn to you and your warmth. I suffocate on the pain when you’re not around. Lost in the anxiety dissociating without your voice. This illness made you everything to me. Maybe it’s not the illness maybe it’s just really me. Are we one in the same? Is there anyone to blame? I’ll hate every second of this life that you’re not there to talk to me. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m lost and drowning in my insecurities. I’m worried that you’re going to disappear and leave me dead inside. How can you take back a heart that was never yours to keep? I think I’m in love but I am swimming against the tide. Maybe I’ve never been in love then or even right now.


	35. Head Over Heels

I’m head over heels in love with you. I’ll say they’re wrong but I know it’s true. I can’t help it I’ve fallen for you. 

When you’re around I see the fireworks.   
And the sun never stops shining down.   
You’re the pretty stars that fill the sky.   
My world changed the day you walked into my life. 

I’m head over heels in love with you. I’ll say they’re wrong but I know it’s true. I can’t help it I’ve fallen for you. 

You’re the song that plays on the radio.   
You’re a perfect heart that will never break. You’re beautiful; you’re everything. 

I’m head over heels in love with you. I’ll say they’re wrong but I know it’s true. I can’t help it I’ve fallen for you. 

You’re my umbrella on a rainy day.   
You’re all the words that we never say.

I’m head over heels in love with you. I’ll say they’re wrong but I know it’s true. I can’t help it I’ve fallen for you. 

I’m head over heels in love with you.


	36. Chapter 36

And I’m aware that I write too many poems about you. And what if they are right? And what if we aren’t good for each other? And what if I never fall in love again? And can someone tell me where you begin and I end? And I believed you when you said you missed me too. And what if this pain never goes away? And what if we run out of things to say? And what if you’re the only person I ever love?


	37. Chapter 37

You’re kisses sweet like candy.   
You’re lies breaking me into pieces.   
You’re an open book.  
I’m moving on but taking one last look.

I’m laughing again.   
I’m finding myself again.   
My heart is picking itself off the floor.   
No longer at war.   
Not sure I can ever love like before. 

You’re a Coldplay song.  
You’re someone I loved for far too long.  
You’re a ending I never wanted to see coming.   
I just miss the sweetness like the beginning. 

I’m smiling again.  
I’m finding myself again.   
I picked my heart off the floor.   
I’m no longer at war.   
Not sure I can ever love like before. 

I miss your voice on the phone.   
I will miss you for so long.   
I miss your smile.   
The look of love in your eyes. 

I’m learning to laugh again.  
I found myself again.   
I picked my heart off the floor.   
I’m no longer at war.   
I’ll never love anyone like I loved you before.


	38. I’ve Forgotten You

I want it to be early February   
Take me back to when you were with me   
Tell me stories again   
Promise me this time you won’t leave   
Because before now I learned all my lessons from love songs   
I miss you and your brown eyes  
I’m lying here dying tonight   
I’m missing your voice   
You left me without a choice   
Those three words were too much  
Now that they are gone it hurts so much   
I made a mistake   
We bleed too much   
I’m lying here crying for your touch  
I hate you   
Don’t tell me how to feel   
I love you  
I’m insane  
Dying away on the inside   
I’m a great pretender   
I know the ending   
Take me back to holding my hand  
I need you more than I ever wanted   
It’s too much   
It’s not enough   
I’ve forgotten you


	39. She

She tastes like vodka and something specifically her.   
You don’t need her but you’ll always miss her.   
You’ll be sitting alone on her birthday writing broken poetry.   
She is a firework being smothered out.   
Lost in the mist screaming her name out.   
She is broken glass turning slowly to ash.   
You’ll be stuck on her like honey.   
You’ll find yourself drowning in her eyes forgetting how to swim.   
She will tell you her secrets and trap you with her kisses but you’ll never win.   
She’ll exile you once she’s had her fun.   
She’s a story you never want to put down. Mercy is never found especially when you turned out to be the clown.   
She’s the brightest star dying out.   
She’s walking the tightrope trying to find her way down.   
You’ll wish for her until your six feet under.   
She’ll make you feel like there is no other.   
Right when you reach out she’ll pull the rug out from under your feet. 

Love you’s are meaningless when the story ends.   
Firelight burns out in the wind.   
Wishing on candles and dandelions.   
But she was never really mine. 

I still taste the Vodka from her mouth.


	40. Chapter 40

He was always in a uniform.   
She said there is just something about a man in uniform.   
He just knew how to sweep me off my feet.   
He bought her the grandest house and everything she could ever need.   
But everyone knows money isn’t everything. 

Diamonds and flowers cover up the bruises.  
It’s okay just speak more apologies.   
Pretending your someone you don’t really know how to be.   
Exile everyone on your side. 

Thirty six years is a long time to pretend.   
Somewhere a long the line she buried her voice.   
It’s a balancing act just adding insult to injury.   
There is no amount of money she says to take away the damage done to me. 

Sirens and flashing lights lies about bruises.   
She smiles holding flowers swallowing down apologies.   
She’s someone she really doesn’t want to be.   
As she exiles everyone on her side.


	41. Chapter 41

You brought colors in and then you sent me away.   
Look at me just look at me.   
I’m pretending that your absence doesn’t still destroy me.   
Now watch my heart as it dies a million little deaths.   
You weren’t just a drug that only worked one time.   
Now here I sit with absolutely nothing left.   
No use wishing you were mine.   
You sent me to drown without a life raft.   
Hourglass sand ran out of time.   
The pages are burning now.   
Let the flames let them go out.   
Pill bottles in a row, wash them down now.   
Only way you can still breathe in and out.   
The worst thing I ever did was fall in love with you.   
I’m still burning under the scars.   
Breaking just like a heart. 

You made the music play again.   
Hear me I’m screaming, just hear me.   
I’m walking a tightrope pretending you were never everything.   
Now watch this die a million little deaths.   
You told lies until there was absolutely nothing left.   
I knew your favorite color and all your favorite songs.   
I thought that I would die for you but nothing bittersweet lasts that long.   
Now you’re drunk all over again.  
It’s the only way you know how to breathe.   
The worst thing I ever did was let you in.   
My scars are still on fire.   
My heart is still breaking tonight. 

I still talk to you as I scream at the sky.   
I let you in thinking you were the light.   
Never imagined you’d stab me and watch me while I bled out.   
Just take a look at the mess you made of me.


End file.
